Prince Jellyfish's Blog

WAM! I’m Back!!! Easter Story Spectacular

April 16, 2009
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So… missed me? Probably not. Because you are me! I am the only fucker who was reading this blog, so I decided “damn, I am a sad guy, writing shit on this blog…to nobody. I need to get a real job and stop sucking my own dick behind my own back, and then going and boasting to myself about it, but telling myself not to tell anyone, and when I do tell someone I beat the hell outta myself .”

No I’m just kidding. Hundreds of people check my blog. Look on Zeitgeist. Bruce Willis reads my fucking blog and he is badass. He doesn’t read no Perez Hilton bullshit, and I’ll be damned if he twitters. Bruce Willis has got some rock solid balls, my lord.

Ever heard the story about Jesus being trapped in a cave blah blah blah romans put a big round rock in front yada yada??? And His LORD Jesus emerges from the Cave, by using his Iron Penis to gently move the boulder into a less restricting position. Angel wings sprout from his Penis and he flies away to meet his Father. In the sky. Yes, his Father doth live in the Sky. Yes. Yes he doth.

Well that “big round rock” was put there by the romans, it was put there by Mr. Bruce Willis…and that “big round rock” wasn’t a rock at all. It was one of Mr. Willis’ enormous testicles.

Anyway, long story short: Jesus can move as many rocks as he wants, he can become a magic fishmonger and a baker, but I swear to God (pun intended (pun actually not intended, but mistake realised then pun claimed)) ahem, I swear to God – you try any of your Mumbo-Jumbo bullshit near Bruce’s balls and you are going down. He beat shout out of Jesus so bad, that his body was turned to air. not dust. not bones and blood and flesh. AIR GODDAMMIT. Bruce Willis will take your shit apart at an atomic level. That’s power in the fist and the mind and that’s some shit you do not mess with.

Phew.

OK, we’re off to a good start. Exciting huh?

I watched the Yes Man last night. It has a very interesting concept. Basically, Jim Carrey plays a failure, a depressed character who doesn’t have a passion in life. Dead-end 9 to 5 job, recently split up with girlfriend, “bad luck”, you know the type….

I see you nodding there… you do know the type huh? You must be the type then?! Oh you are? (I’m thinkin Vesper Lynd here)…

excuse me…

Anyway, Jimmy boy, plays Carl. Carl is a dick. Carl is persuaded to come to a rally about a “life-changing” concept and philosophy. The philosophy that if you say “YES” to every opportunity in life, and embrace requests and suggestions with open arms and enthusiasm, then life will return such enthusiasm. It’s fucking KARMA, I walk down the street towards my local pub, and I see some litter outside:

Choice A) Pick that shit up off the ground.

So I do that, I pick the plastic bottle up, the area is much nice now. I walk into the pub for a quiet afternoon pint. mmm…pint. Walk out the pub, a man walks down the street, and gives me a hundred bucks out of nowhere! Karma.

That shit actually happened. The guy asked me to suck his dick though. And by “asked” I mean I offered to. And by “hundred bucks” I mean nothing.

— sorry this is some bullshit. I mean, there’s some good vibes in the film, good idealogy. But kinda unbelievable.

Here’s a picture of Jim and that really awesome actor from Flight of the Conchords, what a legend.. I hate talking to myself.

Spot the crew guy! Dickhead.

Spot the crew guy! Dickhead.

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Beautiful Ladies part 2

February 26, 2009
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Angeline Jolie.

I wanna say paraplegic....

I wanna say paraplegic....

Hairless pits are usually a turn-off for me, but I'll make an exception.

Hairless pits are usually a turn-off for me, but I'll make an exception.

Speaking of hairless Pitts.....whoa! who hacked my blog???

Speaking of hairless Pitts.....whoa! who hacked my blog???


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How cool is Clint Eastwood!!??

February 26, 2009
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My man Clint didn’t just knock the ball out the park with this statement, he knocked it past the nearby housing estate. BAM.

Just read this you pussies.

He says the world would be a better place if we could still laugh at inoffensive jokes about different races. The actor and director, 78, said we live in constant fear of being labelled racist for simply laughing about national stereotypes. ‘People have Lost their sense of humour,’ he told Germany’s Der Spiegel magazine.

‘In former times we constantly made jokes about different races. You can only tell them today with one hand over your mouth otherwise you will be insulted as a racist. I find that ridiculous. In those earlier days every friendly clique had a “Sam the Jew” or “José the Mexican” – but we didn’t think anything of it or have a racist thought.’

‘It was normal that we made jokes based on our nationality or ethnicity. That was never a problem. I don’t want to be politically correct. We’re all spending too much time and energy trying to be politically correct about everything.’

There's two types of people in the world...

I agree 100% with my Eastwood on this one. I think he’s one cool cucumber, and has hit the bullseye. Society is far too hasty to point the RACISSTTTTSSS out.

“You don’t like Black Coffe?? YOU FUCKING RACIST”

“You have 3 white rabbits? WHATS WRONG WITH A FUCKING BROWN OR BLACK RABBIT?”

Damn, if this guy was any more of a man, he’d be writing this blog instead of me.

I wish I could write about myself more. I’m too cool to write about myself though, people would think I wanna have sex with myself, but that would be silly because I’m a guy, not a hot girl.

There’s two types of people in the world…

Quote Of The Day

February 25, 2009
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“I want to give a shout-out to all my Saudi Arabian brothers and sisters and all my brothers and sisters from all the countries that have oil, if y’all could please send me some oil for my jet I would truly appreciate it.” – P. Diddy

Diddy's War Horn need a mic because his feeble vocal chords are pathetic

Diddy's War Horn need a mic because his feeble vocal chords are pathetic


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Beautiful Ladies part 1

February 25, 2009
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I just realized, my blog is currently a sausage-fest. This is no good for my manly image. Therefore, I hereby launch a new daily article about really sexy females who want to savagely ravage me, but can’t have me…because I live in the sea, and I’m a fucking JELLYFISH!

NAME: Adriana Lima
NATIONALITY: Brazilian
HEIGHT: 5 ft 10″
FACT: When she was younger, she studied to become a nun and often takes a Bible backstage to read.

adriana_lima_070220001

adriana


How cool is Liev Schreiber!!??

February 25, 2009
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Liev Schreiber is an actor that you probably haven’t seen much of. He has, surprisingly, been in about 4000 films. All really bad. I think the reason he hasnt became a star yet is because his name is quite hard to spell. Nobody will type that shit into Google…they get half way then go “ahh fuck it, ‘Brad Pitt’, ‘Tom Cruise’“…come on Liev, what are you thinking?

Defiance, co-starring Daniel Craig was OK, I would have enjoyed it so much more, if Craigs voice didnt change accents from English Bond to German Bond, to German Bondage. Liev was good in it though, total beast that he is.

Upcomning MANfilm X-Men Origins: Wolverine will be his platform to stardom. Just wait, he plays Sabretooth, a complete tank. I’m excited, its gonna be manly.

Liev Schreiber really scares the shit out of me. He has a baby, but I wouldn’t touch it, he’d take my head off faster than a cannon…

..not that I touch babies or anything.

Liev Schreiber

Liev Schreiber


And here…we…go!

February 25, 2009
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Dark Knight is a pretty popular film huh?

DigitalSpy.co.uk tells me this…

The Dark Knight has become only the fourth movie in history to cross the $1 billion mark at the box office.

Warner Brothers announced that Christopher Nolan’s film, starring Christian Bale and Heath Ledger, has now grossed $1,001,082,160 worldwide.

Speaking to The Hollywood Reporter, the studio’s domestic distribution president Dan Fellman said: “From our initial record-shattering opening weekend to the unprecedented momentum of the film’s box office run, we could not be more proud of The Dark Knight.

The superhero movie now ranks in fourth place in the list of the highest-grossing films of all time, behind Titanic ($1.84 billion), The Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King ($1.13 billion) and Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest ($1.06 billion).

“We salute our filmmakers, cast and crew on making cinematic history.”

Return of the King? $1.13 billion? I apologize on behalf of this amateur website, they sometimes make up statistics about LOTR movies. Just ignore that part, it’s meant to say King Kong

Christian Bale, who?

Christian Bale, who?


Poor Mickey Rourke

February 25, 2009
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Poor Mickey Rourke is sad he didn’t win an Oscar. If he didn’t have a plastic face, he would be crying in the photo.

Mickey "The Face" Rourke

Mickey "The Face" Rourke


George Clooney has wicked hair.

February 25, 2009
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The silver fox spent time with the new US President on Monday morning. These boys are real smooth characters. They discussed the pressing issue of the trouble in the war-torn region of Darfur…

“I don’t think people should be going there and coming back and saying how it affected them,” Clooney said. “I think somehow we should all know that these people are hanging on by the skin of their teeth.”

George Clooney & President Obama get down to business

George Clooney & President Obama get down to business

I can’t say I know where Darfur is, but I do know that war is bad. You know what else is bad? When an apple or banana gets bruised. What is Obama doing to combat this problem? nothing.

A quick Google, shows that Darfur is, in fact, in Sudan. Visit http://www.HelpSudanInternational.org if you think you can help.

And in real news, George is going to return to ER!

clooney2

Clooney as Dr. Doug Ross

Clooney, on Larry King Live, confirmed that he would reprise his role as Dr. Doug Ross one last time. Has his hair ever not been grey? I think any pictures of him before he greyed, will all be in Black & White, thus all evidence is insufficient, and thus, George Clooney has always had silver hair. And was he born with those constant folds in his forehead? Those bad boys could hold business cards.

Peace

PK


Quote Of The Day

February 24, 2009
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I cry a lot. My emotions are very close to my surface. I don’t want to hold anything in so it festers and turns into pus – a pustule of emotion that explodes into a festering cesspool of depression.” – Nicolas Cage

Pustule Features Himself.

Pustule Features Himself.


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About author

My name is Paul Kemp. I'm a Jellyfish. I like Movies, Music & Hot Girls, and this page is the shit so go fuck yourself.

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