Prince Jellyfish's Blog

WAM! I’m Back!!! Easter Story Spectacular | April 16, 2009

So… missed me? Probably not. Because you are me! I am the only fucker who was reading this blog, so I decided “damn, I am a sad guy, writing shit on this blog…to nobody. I need to get a real job and stop sucking my own dick behind my own back, and then going and boasting to myself about it, but telling myself not to tell anyone, and when I do tell someone I beat the hell outta myself .”

No I’m just kidding. Hundreds of people check my blog. Look on Zeitgeist. Bruce Willis reads my fucking blog and he is badass. He doesn’t read no Perez Hilton bullshit, and I’ll be damned if he twitters. Bruce Willis has got some rock solid balls, my lord.

Ever heard the story about Jesus being trapped in a cave blah blah blah romans put a big round rock in front yada yada??? And His LORD Jesus emerges from the Cave, by using his Iron Penis to gently move the boulder into a less restricting position. Angel wings sprout from his Penis and he flies away to meet his Father. In the sky. Yes, his Father doth live in the Sky. Yes. Yes he doth.

Well that “big round rock” was put there by the romans, it was put there by Mr. Bruce Willis…and that “big round rock” wasn’t a rock at all. It was one of Mr. Willis’ enormous testicles.

Anyway, long story short: Jesus can move as many rocks as he wants, he can become a magic fishmonger and a baker, but I swear to God (pun intended (pun actually not intended, but mistake realised then pun claimed)) ahem, I swear to God – you try any of your Mumbo-Jumbo bullshit near Bruce’s balls and you are going down. He beat shout out of Jesus so bad, that his body was turned to air. not dust. not bones and blood and flesh. AIR GODDAMMIT. Bruce Willis will take your shit apart at an atomic level. That’s power in the fist and the mind and that’s some shit you do not mess with.

Phew.

OK, we’re off to a good start. Exciting huh?

I watched the Yes Man last night. It has a very interesting concept. Basically, Jim Carrey plays a failure, a depressed character who doesn’t have a passion in life. Dead-end 9 to 5 job, recently split up with girlfriend, “bad luck”, you know the type….

I see you nodding there… you do know the type huh? You must be the type then?! Oh you are? (I’m thinkin Vesper Lynd here)…

excuse me…

Anyway, Jimmy boy, plays Carl. Carl is a dick. Carl is persuaded to come to a rally about a “life-changing” concept and philosophy. The philosophy that if you say “YES” to every opportunity in life, and embrace requests and suggestions with open arms and enthusiasm, then life will return such enthusiasm. It’s fucking KARMA, I walk down the street towards my local pub, and I see some litter outside:

Choice A) Pick that shit up off the ground.

So I do that, I pick the plastic bottle up, the area is much nice now. I walk into the pub for a quiet afternoon pint. mmm…pint. Walk out the pub, a man walks down the street, and gives me a hundred bucks out of nowhere! Karma.

That shit actually happened. The guy asked me to suck his dick though. And by “asked” I mean I offered to. And by “hundred bucks” I mean nothing.

— sorry this is some bullshit. I mean, there’s some good vibes in the film, good idealogy. But kinda unbelievable.

Here’s a picture of Jim and that really awesome actor from Flight of the Conchords, what a legend.. I hate talking to myself.

Spot the crew guy! Dickhead.

Spot the crew guy! Dickhead.

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About author

My name is Paul Kemp. I'm a Jellyfish. I like Movies, Music & Hot Girls, and this page is the shit so go fuck yourself.

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